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There seem to be a lot of “sagas” on this blog.

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You may remember Franz Ferdifand.
He is dead, of course.
I knew I’d need to find a replacement for him eventually,
I just didn’t realize how soon.
Last week was one of those May heat waves that always catches everyone by surprise.
Even though we have 10-Day Forecasts and all…
Still a shocker somehow!
We don’t have central air, so I had all the ceiling fans going upstairs,
but downstairs we were dying.
(We = I, by the way)
I found myself missing even the tipsy Ferdifand himself.
By Thursday, I also found myself on the floor crying like a 6-year-old.
Because I was hot.
That was the answer I gave my husband when he asked why I was crying.
And on the floor.
Because I was hot.
I admit I felt somewhat silly when I heard myself saying all this out loud.
But, if you didn’t catch it yet, I was hot,
so I continued with my meltdown.
(Yes, pun is intended at this point.)

Mike had a huge presentation the next day (Friday), so he was unavailable to install the AC units until the weekend.
This did not keep me from proceeding with my tantrum.
So Mike, being the loving man that he is,
put down his work and put in the AC units.
And I stopped crying, sang his praises and went on a trip to Walmart
to find a fan replacement and make my happiness complete.

I picked out a beauteous stand fan.
I was done with the tower kind.
I lugged it inside, and Mike pulled it out of the box.
He said it looked complicated and asked if it could wait a day or two.
I said no worries (he had his presentation after all)
and asked if it would stress him out if I tried my hand at it?
He said not at all.

…………

I should have asked:
“Will it stress you out if I dump all these parts and nuts and bolts and screws out on the kitchen floor?
(but don’t worry – I meant to do that)
and will it stress you out if I get stressed out and ask you a million questions about which part goes where?
and what on earth is this feature to which they are referring?
and how come they didn’t tell me to put the base cover on before assembling the rest of the fan and now I have to take it all apart?
and is it a problem that I stripped this screw and it won’t turn now?
and do they really think that one person can possess the 4 arms necessary to assemble this thing?
and am I the idiot, or are the instruction-writers the idiots?
and…well…can you just help me with this one step?
ten times?
WILL THAT STRESS YOU OUT?”

All you need to know is:
4 hours after deciding I wanted a fan,
Mike was sitting on the kitchen floor putting it together.
And I was watching.
It’s a good thing he loves me. 🙂

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Is dead.

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It’s not my fault he tipped so easily.
It’s not my fault his cord committed mutiny and set many a trap for passersby.  It’s not my fault he was on sale for seven dollars and forty seven cents and I just had to have him.
It’s not my fault he (so evidently) had a death wish.

So long Franz Ferdifand.  I am hoping your demise does not prompt the Fans to declare world war against me.  Next time I will be sure to purchase a fan with a more reassuring center of gravity.

Collective Reminiscings

The Smittys

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